Image Isn’t Everything, But It’s Something
August 2, 2026Free, Flexible and Faithful
August 17, 2026
My first contact with the man I’ll call Ricardo was in 2019, when he signed up at our conference to participate in a program that I administer, whereby pastors receive Christian literature at no cost. He quickly became my liaison for his province, eagerly distributing books to other beneficiaries there. Three years later, as his term in that project was about to end, he traveled to my home with his wife, whom I’ll call Florinda, to ask my counsel for how they could continue their theological education, possibly overseas. I consequently facilitated his enrollment in an online theological institution with which our ministry partners, and assisted him through technical challenges with the online classroom.
Because we enjoyed conversing at my home and on subsequent phone calls, the couple invited me to visit their home. I accepted and scheduled my trip for the following year, in April 2023. But when I awakened in the wee hours of the morning to board the bus to their province, I was dismayed to receive a lengthy audio message from Ricardo effectively cancelling my visit for unplausible reasons. He didn’t respond to my suggestions of other ways for me to see them, so instead of wasting the ticket I’d bought, I had a lovely visit with other friends in their city during the time I’d planned to spend with them.
When Ricardo contacted me later, he offered no explanation for the abrupt change in plans or alternative invitation to visit. Florinda stopped by to greet me one day, and when I expressed surprise at her presence in our town, she explained that she had come to stay with relatives here. I sensed that things were not right between the two of them.
I continued to provide technical assistance to Ricardo in his online theological studies. When his funds grew tight, he requested and received a scholarship from the online institution, without my intervention. Since he repeatedly fell behind in his classes, the school asked me to hold him accountable to finish his lessons on time. Ricardo agreed to send me weekly reports on his progress, and began to faithfully do so.
In September 2025, in response to Ricardo’s request for help in purchasing a computer to aid his studies, I finally asked him about his family. He revealed that he had been separated from Florinda for two years and that they were pursuing a divorce. I recognized my obligation to inform the theological institution of this sad fact, and possibly to admonish Ricardo and/or Florinda, but first I needed to obtain more details.
Since Florinda was still in my city, I met with her to hear her side of the story. Ricardo, I discovered, had moved over a thousand miles away, so after learning what I could about the situation from him through e-mail, I arranged for a mature pastor in his city to personally meet with him. That pastor was surprised when Ricardo mentioned an acquaintance of his, a pastor at the opposite end of the country, as someone who with his wife had provided marriage counseling to Ricardo and Florinda. Through that connection, I spoke with that couple, who explained more about the problems Ricardo and Florinda had experienced.
Ricardo indicated that he planned to visit our city the following year, in 2026, and was willing to meet with me, together with Florinda. I gratefully accepted and asked that Stélio, on whose counsel I had relied in this situation since receiving the news of Ricardo’s marriage crisis, participate in the meeting as well. However, in January 2026, Ricardo’s e-mail tone changed and he withdrew his consent to such a meeting unless certain conditions, which Stélio and I found unreasonable, were met.
At that point, with little prospect of an upcoming personal meeting, I saw no reason to delay my report to the theological institution. So with a heavy heart and my director’s knowledge, I sent its leadership a two-page letter explaining what I knew and recommending that Ricardo be expelled on account of his unbiblical marital conduct. I had previously told Ricardo that I would be reporting to the institution, but when I informed him immediately afterward of the content of my communication, he swiftly withdrew his opposition to a personal meeting and pleaded with me to allow him to continue his studies. Before I had time to consider how to reply, the institution informed him that he was expelled, and he wrote to me again, eliminating not only the possibility of a meeting but also all contact with me. I prayed for his repentance and turned my attention to other matters.
In June, I was surprised to receive an e-mail from Ricardo, sent to both me and the institution, apologizing for his disrespectful reaction and mentioning that he was in my city. I thanked him for his humility and invited him to meet with me, which he did a few days later. He personally related to me the history of his marriage troubles, and I rebuked him for his sins with words so strong that they surprised even me. I assumed he would once again terminate communication with me, but to the contrary, he asked to proceed with proposed meeting between him, Florinda, Stélio, and me.
The four of us met for several hours on July 2. Stélio and I heard Ricardo and Florinda’s story. We gave them opportunity to confess their hurts and sins to one another, and to request and grant forgiveness. We spoke of the Biblical responsibilities of husband and wife which God requires them to fulfill regardless of the legal divorce in process, and of Biblical ways to address the challenges they’d face in the pathway of obedience to Him. By the end of the conversation, they spoke of cancelling the divorce and renting a house where they could live together again.
At our next meeting a week later, Ricardo and Florinda reported significant progress towards reconciliation. However, in an e-mail a few days later, Ricardo reported that Florinda had decided to proceed with the divorce instead of moving in with him. When I met with her after she returned from a business trip, she humbly and openly described Ricardo’s conduct which had led her back to this decision.
The four of us met again last Thursday. After giving both spouses the opportunity to share their perspective on the developments, Stélio and I pointed out to Ricardo serious problems which we see in his life. We reminded both him and Florinda of their marital obligations before God, and that His grace would be sufficient to guide them through the difficulties. By the end of our three hours together, they had once again agreed to cancel the divorce and work towards reconciliation.
Stélio and I are well aware that two singles aren’t the ideal marriage counseling team. My involvement stemmed from my role as liaison for the online institution at which Ricardo had been studying theology, and I’d asked Stélio to assist because he is a man with wisdom and experience in applying the Bible to life circumstances. The two of us agreed with the theological school’s leadership that the matter would be best transferred to the care of a pastor, so we were encouraged to know that Florinda had already approached her pastor about the situation. Unfortunately, Ricardo had declined her pastor’s request for a meeting, but on Thursday he promised to contact the pastor again to schedule a conversation with him. Ricardo and Florinda agreed that her pastor will be their primary counselor from this point forward. Stélio subsequently called Florinda’s pastor, describing our interaction with the couple and entrusting them to his care.
People are sinners, and it’s messy to become involved in their lives! But that’s just what God calls all of us believers to do, whether we serve Him overseas or not. As you pray for God’s grace to strengthen Ricardo and Florinda’s fragile marriage, may your eyes remain open to opportunities in which you can speak the truth into lives that God brings across your path.
